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It never was about the oil dripping from my head
I never did dream beyond the pastures I could tend
It never was about the praise, not about the street parade
I didn’t really need a crowd when Goliath fell down

I never meant to woo a king with simple shepherd songs
Or hide away inside a cave, safe from danger’s arms
I never meant to wear a crown, or try to bring armies down
It never was about me and who I hoped to be

At the end of the day, I wanna hear people say
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
When the world looks at me, let them agree
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

I never thought I would be much more than Jesse’s kin
Who would ever dream a king would come from Bethlehem?
I know that I’ve crashed and burned, lives have been overturned
But You redeem everything, yeah, even me

At the end of the day, I want to hear people say
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
When the world looks at me, I pray all they see
Is my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

Five little stones, or a royal robe
Shepherd or king doesn’t mean a thing
Cause at the end of the day…

At the end of the day, I wanna hear people say
That my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart
Unashamed I will dance, in Your name, lift my hands
‘Til my heart looks like Your heart, my heart looks like Your heart

Like Your heart, like Your heart
‘Til this heart looks like Your heart
-“Your Heart” by Chris Tomlin from King David’s point of view

So, lately I’ve been reading 2 Kings, which chronicles the lives of the kings of Israel and Judah. Most of the kings were wicked and did evil (particularly in Israel). Some of the kings walked in the ways of God, and did what was right.

So, today I read up to chapter 16, I believe, and thought to myself, “I wonder what the Bible would say about the leaders of Israel today?” I personally do not know much about present day Israel, so I don’t know what their beliefs are, or what the leaders are like.

But, then I thought to myself, “If I was a person who was in the Bible, what would God say about my life?” I am not perfect in any sense of the word, and I’ve run away from God, then back to Him, then away from Him more times than I can count. I believe in God, and His Word, and what Jesus did. With all my heart, I believe in Him.

But, I am a sinner, and there are still things in my life that I’m having a really hard time letting go of. But I know that if I continue following Jesus, and just fully give in to Him, and lay down my life completely, He will walk with me through the fire of all the trials and tribulations that I go through. He will help me overcome them. He has overcome them already when He died on the cross. I just need to learn to give the control over to Him, and allow Him to work in my life.

In the end, I would hope my story would be that, despite all my mistakes and short comings, I did what was right in the sight of God, and that I followed God with my whole heart, and that my heart looks like His heart.

What would the Bible say about your life? Would it say that you were wicked, and did evil, and ignored all the ways of God? or would it say that you were on fire for Him, and followed Him with your whole heart? Maybe it would say that you claimed to love Him when you were in public, but in secret you were mediocre, or wicked? Would it say that you lived a luke-warm, mediocre life for Him?

Whichever category you find yourself in, I just want to let you know that Jesus loves you. No matter where you’re at, or what you’ve done, or how far away you think you are, He loves you and has never left you. He wants nothing more than for you to come home to Him, and truly know Him. I know what its like to feel like you’ll never be good enough to earn His love, and what it feels like to want to just give up. But don’t. Jesus died on the cross to take what was unforgivable and make it forgivable, so that we wouldn’t have to do anything to earn His love. And you can come to Him just as you are, with all your faults, and scars, and mistakes. He will never turn you away.

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My Beliefs

Though I have not been very active in posting on my blog, I still feel like this is way overdue. This is a profession of my faith, and in my beliefs. This is actually the song “Creed” by Third Day. It is based off of the Apostle’s Creed. I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Why not just use the Apostle’s Creed?” Well, I feel that the extra lines, and the few added words in this song really encompass my beliefs as a Christian. And I prefer the lyrics of this song, to the translations of the Apostle’s Creed. Also, I love music, so it seems appropriate to use a song to profess my faith and beliefs.

I believe in God the Father,
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of earth,
And in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, our Lord.
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
Born of the virgin Mary.
Suffered under Pontius Pilate 
Where He was crucified, and dead, and buried.

I believe that He who suffered
Was crucified, buried, and dead.
He descended into hell
And on the third day He rose again.
He ascended into Heaven
Where He sits at God’s mighty right hand.
I believe that He’s returning
To judge the quick, and the dead of the sons of men.

I believe in God the Father,
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of earth,
And in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, our Lord.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
One Holy Church,
The communion of saints,
The forgiveness of sin.
I believe in the Resurrection.
I believe in a life that never ends.

And I believe what I believe in
Is what makes me what I am.
No, I did not make it, 
Though it is making me.
It is the very Truth of God
And not the invention of any man.

Tonight I learned that a young man from a church nearby to me died in a car accident. according to a couple of news reports that I read, he was driving an Explorer which went off the side of the road, hit a few mailboxes, and a utility pole before flipping and landing on its top. I didn’t personally know him or his family. His dad is a pastor of their church, and I’ve seen them several years at youth camp, but other than that I don’t know them.

Back in June of this year I was involved in a single vehicle accident myself. I wasn’t paying attention to the road and when I looked up I realized my car was going off of the road. Not gonna lie, that’s happened to me before. But this time I panicked a bit and over-corrected, causing me to lose control of the car. I began swerving, and the next thing I knew I was in the field next to the road, and my car rolled once before landing on its tires in the field. I saw smoke coming in through the vents, so I unbuckled my seat belt and got out as fast as I could. Luckily, my car was the only thing badly damaged. I got out with a big bruise on my chest, a rash on my neck, and some whip-lash. But after reading the man’s story, I couldn’t help but realize some similarities between what happened to him and what happened to me, and I am so thankful that God protected me in the midst of something that got out of my control. I’m not saying that God wasn’t watching the man, but He had different plans for him than He did for me. And His plan was to bring the man home to Him (from what I understand, he was a devout Christian), and leave me here on earth. I don’t know all His plans for me, but I do know that He wants me to tell everyone about His love for us, and sacrifice on the cross, and how good He is.

So, tonight I was thinking about all this, and I started thinking about my family and how much it would hurt to lose any one of them. None of them are saved, and tonight was a reminder of how fragile our lives really are. ‎8 years old, 18 years old, 80 years old, it doesn’t matter. We can have the best laid plans and have our lives all planned out…but life can end in a flash. No one knows when it will happen. So what are we going to do with our lives? Tomorrow, someone from my family, or myself, or anyone who reads this could be involved in a car accident, or suffer some injury, or get sick and die. We don’t plan for these things to happen, but, unfortunately, they are a part of life.

If I were to lose my family before they are saved, I would not only be devastated by the loss, but I would be wrought with guilt because I didn’t try, and pray for them hard enough, because I didn’t always show them the love of God, because I wasn’t the spiritual leader that they desperately needed in their lives. And as the result, they would die without knowing God’s love, un-saved, going to hell…

Church, Christians, the Ones of Christ, we ALL need to rise up and get a heavy burden and desperation for the lost people who are heading for hell. We come across them everyday in our schools, at our jobs, at the store, on the road, in our neighborhoods, and even in our churches. And we pass by them every single day…We, the Church of Jesus Christ, Jesus, who lived for us and died for us so That ALL would be saved, PASS BY…PASS BY those who are lost and dying and headed for hell EVERY SINGLE DAY. Things need to change.

We have to do something…

Come as close as You want
Consume this heart that longs to burn
I know Your fire can hurt, but I would be worse here without You

Come and take all these chains that get in the way of what You want
And as I stand in the flame
Still I will say, “I trust You, God”

For I was made to dwell with You
And how I ache until I do

Holy God
Take my heart
Purge with flame and truth
A holy heart is all I want that I may live with You

Holy God
Take my heart
Purge with flame and truth
A humble heart is all I want that I may live with You

I wanna live with You…

This is a beautiful song originally written by Tim Reimherr, and sang live by Misty Edwards, the latter of which I am absolutely in love with and is the inspiration for this blog. It is called “Come as Close as You Want”. The title of this blog is inspired by the line in the song, “I know Your fire can hurt, but I would be worse here without You”

I am a Christian. I was saved September 20, 2006. I wasn’t one of the people who were radically saved, who made drastic changes in their lives for God the day they were saved. I was still pretty ignorant about many things about Christianity.

I always believed in God. I had grown up hearing the story of the Garden of Eden, Moses, and of the Flood, mostly. They were a few of my dad’s favorite stories that he liked to tell. Occasionally I was taken to church by family members, but not often. Before I was saved, I had heard about God, but I didn’t know anything about Him. I did learn that if you ask for forgiveness for sins in your life, He would forgive you. However, like many people today, I didn’t really think He was really involved in any part of my life, that He was just up there to decide whether or not I would go to Heaven or Hell when I died. And I believed that if you were an overall good person, you would go to Heaven.

Nearly 5 years ago I met my, now, best friend. We rode together on the bus on our way to and from school everyday. After a couple weeks she invited me to the Wednesday night youth service at the church she went to. The second time I went, I was saved.

It was surreal. After the Youth Pastor preached he gave an altar call. I can’t remember exactly what was going through my head, but I do remember sitting there, then standing up, then walking up to the altar in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know, then laying down, then praying, “Okay, not sure what I’m supposed to do now”. One of the women came over to me and talked with me. She asked if I was a Christian, and my response was along the lines of, “I think so. I believe in God.” Then I remember praying the sinner’s prayer with her, and I believed every word I prayed. I knew my sins were forgiven, and everyone kept saying “saved”. I thought, “I guess now I’m a real Christian”

It took me a long time to know the difference between just believing in God and being saved. I thought they were one in the same. I believe that the Holy Spirit did draw me to that altar that day (I would not have gotten up like that in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know unless something super-natural caused it), but I wasn’t radically saved. I didn’t fully give my life over to God that day, but I believe doors were open, and ever since then I have learned what it means to truly be saved, what it means to feel God’s love, and also what it means to feel His chastisement, but most importantly of all…I learned that “God so-loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son,  that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” I learned about Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Its been a roller-coaster ride…It still is. But, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” I am not perfect. I’m far from it. I still have a lot to learn about the Bible, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and I still have many things that I need to overcome. But if I place my trust in God, and rely on His strength and understanding rather than my own, I can overcome them.

As Christians, we all go through trials and tribulations. It is God’s way of testing, trying, and refining us so that we may come out clean and pure, and ready to seek Him and serve Him. These trials are almost never fun. In fact they can down-right hurt. But we would be worse off if we went through them without God there for us to hold on to.

I decided to start this blog to share about my struggles (whether its physical, spiritual, mental, emotional, etc.), what God has brought me through, and what I’ve learned.

This is Your Fire Can Hurt…: My Roller-Coaster Ride Through Life as a Christian.

DISCLAIMER

For now, I wish to keep things anonymous, leaving out names of people and places. This may change in the future, but this is how its gonna be for now. Thanks!